Surprised by Joy

I seem to do my best reflections in the quiet of the night. The time of night when I'm just getting up for a potty trip from September-May. I am blessed to not have to watch the clock much in the summer.

Tonight I'm watching a roaring fire as the last of the die-hard pyromaniacs are setting off their booms. Music is playing softly and I am reminiscing.

Two years ago about now was the darkest time of my life. I remember going to my friends Karen and Bob's house for the holiday in a daze; I was just going through the motions.

Last year, in an amazing development, heaven-sent I believe, I was watching the fireworks on Navy Pier in Chicago with Jon Kavanaugh, my high-school boyfriend. We were still in the early stages of maneuvering a new relationship, based on a huge shared history. It was thrilling and fun and the most freedom I'd ever felt. For the first time, I had no one to care for on a daily basis but myself.

Would I have ever thought then, that one year later we would be married, having moved away from Brainerd where all was familiar, or that we would own a house in the city I've wanted to live in for years? The city where my precious children and grandchildren live? And the place where cultural and other choices abound? Certainly not.

C.S. Lewis had a wonderful book entitled the same as the title of this blog...Surprised by joy? Oh my, yes.

The point of his book is to remain open to that joy. Live in the present, acknowledge the moment. Jon and I still look at each other and say, "Holy crap!", as the magnitude of what has taken place overtakes us sometimes. Knowing our time is short because of age makes every day that much more precious. If I'd only known how to treasure every day when I was younger!

And so, I remain amazed, peaceful and most of all surprised; that after all the pain and loss I've encountered in recent years I can still feel the all encompassing feeling of joy in the ordinary and not so ordinary.

Surprised by joy?
Absolutely.