As I sit on our deck in St.Paul, enjoying a beautiful summer night, listening to "our" play list I'm amazed at the direction of my life. Surprised? Absolutely.
Two years ago I was ready to cash it in. What ever happened to me I was ready to accept. I had no intention of looking or pursuing a relationship of any kind. I took a risk after a time, and got royally burned. It only served to convince me that the only safe place for me was to be alone.
Until.
I received the nicest sympathy card after my mom's death in the midst of a very hard time for the sender.
I stood in my kitchen knowing that this was someone I would like to know better...a "I shoulda had a V-8 " moment,.
An email from me hoping that an invite to Chicago still stood, started it all.
And now?
In 15 months we have had a civil wedding and a church blessing,and we own a home together. If we were younger I'd say it was too fast. But life is precious at this stage. No time to waste.
The surprise is that we can each honor and appreciate the lives and loves we had before, and realize that we wouldn't be where we are now without those experiences. Precious times.
Baby what a big surprise? Completely.
Knowing joy and love...
Continuing the journey.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Observations From The Street Bench
I'm fortunate to be married to someone who enjoys "people watching" as much as I do. When I was young, I used to love to sit in the lobby of the hospital where my dad was a physician. I would watch people coming and going and try to figure out relationships and why they were there. I still do that. But now in a different way.
In my former blog I wrote about my observations in Mexico, where I went to dive over spring break that year with my dear friends. We stayed in an authentic hotel, ate in street restaurants, and because I couldn't dive as often as they could, I had plenty of time to watch the people and culture. I noted at the time that I've never witnessed such hard working, dedicated people as those I observed in Cozumel. To suggest that all Mexicans are drug pushers and rapists is so offensive to me. But that's another subject.
We just spent three days in the heart of downtown San Francisco. We did all the usual tourist things, but we also spent much time walking, and taking long breaks on city benches, just watching humanity.
My dear friend Cathy Boyd recently posted a blog entitled, "Seeing God in The Ordinary." I sat and watched with that blog in mind.
I saw God in a weird way these last few days. Because we were sitting and watching, we were prime fodder for panhandlers....18 times in fact. Did I see Jesus in these lost souls? No, but I saw something else more significant. I saw their humanity. I saw men and women hopelessly addicted or mentally ill. I saw young adults that could have been my students a few years before. In those cases it struck me that they were someone's child...they were precious babies once. I'm hopeful someone wonders where they are. And the elderly broke my heart as well. They are not sitting on their walkers with a cup in their hand by choice. Life and society have failed them. These are all God's children. They are you and I if our lives had taken a different turn. I think it is one of the most tragically under-publicized problems of our nation, and I have no solution.
Tourists in San Francisco arrive from every nation in the world. My street observations let me hear so many different languages; so much so that I kept having to remind myself that we were in the U.S. and not somewhere abroad.
And this is what I discovered. WE ARE ALL THE SAME! Yes, there are extremists in every branch of humanity, including our own. But the similarities of normal humans are greater than the differences. For instance, I watched a Chinese mother, a European mother and even a Muslim mother receive a giant eye roll from their young teenage offspring. Apparently embarrassing your tween is a universal habit. Young lovers, old lovers, singles, gay and straight alike, all behave in a universally similar manner. People tend to air their relationships, for the positive or negative, as they walk along a busy street.
Yes. I saw God in the ordinary, in all these people, and it affirmed my belief that if we could stop and listen; if we could realize that what binds us together as humans is far greater than what divides us, then maybe there is a chance for peace and for the human race in general. We are all in this together.
Living in the ordinary,
Continuing the journey.
In my former blog I wrote about my observations in Mexico, where I went to dive over spring break that year with my dear friends. We stayed in an authentic hotel, ate in street restaurants, and because I couldn't dive as often as they could, I had plenty of time to watch the people and culture. I noted at the time that I've never witnessed such hard working, dedicated people as those I observed in Cozumel. To suggest that all Mexicans are drug pushers and rapists is so offensive to me. But that's another subject.
We just spent three days in the heart of downtown San Francisco. We did all the usual tourist things, but we also spent much time walking, and taking long breaks on city benches, just watching humanity.
My dear friend Cathy Boyd recently posted a blog entitled, "Seeing God in The Ordinary." I sat and watched with that blog in mind.
I saw God in a weird way these last few days. Because we were sitting and watching, we were prime fodder for panhandlers....18 times in fact. Did I see Jesus in these lost souls? No, but I saw something else more significant. I saw their humanity. I saw men and women hopelessly addicted or mentally ill. I saw young adults that could have been my students a few years before. In those cases it struck me that they were someone's child...they were precious babies once. I'm hopeful someone wonders where they are. And the elderly broke my heart as well. They are not sitting on their walkers with a cup in their hand by choice. Life and society have failed them. These are all God's children. They are you and I if our lives had taken a different turn. I think it is one of the most tragically under-publicized problems of our nation, and I have no solution.
Tourists in San Francisco arrive from every nation in the world. My street observations let me hear so many different languages; so much so that I kept having to remind myself that we were in the U.S. and not somewhere abroad.
And this is what I discovered. WE ARE ALL THE SAME! Yes, there are extremists in every branch of humanity, including our own. But the similarities of normal humans are greater than the differences. For instance, I watched a Chinese mother, a European mother and even a Muslim mother receive a giant eye roll from their young teenage offspring. Apparently embarrassing your tween is a universal habit. Young lovers, old lovers, singles, gay and straight alike, all behave in a universally similar manner. People tend to air their relationships, for the positive or negative, as they walk along a busy street.
Yes. I saw God in the ordinary, in all these people, and it affirmed my belief that if we could stop and listen; if we could realize that what binds us together as humans is far greater than what divides us, then maybe there is a chance for peace and for the human race in general. We are all in this together.
Living in the ordinary,
Continuing the journey.
Saturday, July 4, 2015
Surprised by Joy
I seem to do my best reflections in the quiet of the night. The time of night when I'm just getting up for a potty trip from September-May. I am blessed to not have to watch the clock much in the summer.
Tonight I'm watching a roaring fire as the last of the die-hard pyromaniacs are setting off their booms. Music is playing softly and I am reminiscing.
Two years ago about now was the darkest time of my life. I remember going to my friends Karen and Bob's house for the holiday in a daze; I was just going through the motions.
Last year, in an amazing development, heaven-sent I believe, I was watching the fireworks on Navy Pier in Chicago with Jon Kavanaugh, my high-school boyfriend. We were still in the early stages of maneuvering a new relationship, based on a huge shared history. It was thrilling and fun and the most freedom I'd ever felt. For the first time, I had no one to care for on a daily basis but myself.
Would I have ever thought then, that one year later we would be married, having moved away from Brainerd where all was familiar, or that we would own a house in the city I've wanted to live in for years? The city where my precious children and grandchildren live? And the place where cultural and other choices abound? Certainly not.
C.S. Lewis had a wonderful book entitled the same as the title of this blog...Surprised by joy? Oh my, yes.
The point of his book is to remain open to that joy. Live in the present, acknowledge the moment. Jon and I still look at each other and say, "Holy crap!", as the magnitude of what has taken place overtakes us sometimes. Knowing our time is short because of age makes every day that much more precious. If I'd only known how to treasure every day when I was younger!
And so, I remain amazed, peaceful and most of all surprised; that after all the pain and loss I've encountered in recent years I can still feel the all encompassing feeling of joy in the ordinary and not so ordinary.
Surprised by joy?
Absolutely.
Tonight I'm watching a roaring fire as the last of the die-hard pyromaniacs are setting off their booms. Music is playing softly and I am reminiscing.
Two years ago about now was the darkest time of my life. I remember going to my friends Karen and Bob's house for the holiday in a daze; I was just going through the motions.
Last year, in an amazing development, heaven-sent I believe, I was watching the fireworks on Navy Pier in Chicago with Jon Kavanaugh, my high-school boyfriend. We were still in the early stages of maneuvering a new relationship, based on a huge shared history. It was thrilling and fun and the most freedom I'd ever felt. For the first time, I had no one to care for on a daily basis but myself.
Would I have ever thought then, that one year later we would be married, having moved away from Brainerd where all was familiar, or that we would own a house in the city I've wanted to live in for years? The city where my precious children and grandchildren live? And the place where cultural and other choices abound? Certainly not.
C.S. Lewis had a wonderful book entitled the same as the title of this blog...Surprised by joy? Oh my, yes.
The point of his book is to remain open to that joy. Live in the present, acknowledge the moment. Jon and I still look at each other and say, "Holy crap!", as the magnitude of what has taken place overtakes us sometimes. Knowing our time is short because of age makes every day that much more precious. If I'd only known how to treasure every day when I was younger!
And so, I remain amazed, peaceful and most of all surprised; that after all the pain and loss I've encountered in recent years I can still feel the all encompassing feeling of joy in the ordinary and not so ordinary.
Surprised by joy?
Absolutely.
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